I've started to shut feelings out, I don't care as much as I did if he hurts me - he's done it all my life anyway so why bother now?
I wish that he could be like others, who cares enough to remember and to engage himself in what I do or say, what his own daughter goes through. He's been there, he has but at the same time he hasn't. He's present but at the same time absent.
But even though he hurts me, I still love him - he is afterall my father.