"It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain.." well, it ain't raining and I'm inside but no one sees them anyway.. Thank god for privacy, but at the same time not. I don't have anyone to talk to, it's just me and my fucking thoughts. I wouldn't know what to say anyway so it's probably for the best.
I just want to.. I don't know.. I want to be able to tell him how I feel, I want to be able to tell him how much he has hurt me, how much he is hurting me. But I can't. I don't know how, I'm so afraid of hurting him so I'm walking around with an aching heart from hiding all of the things I've been feeling, all of the things I am feeling.
I want to be able to have a normal relationship with my father, a relationship that doesn't include tears, heartache and pain. I want it oh so badly.