Saturday, November 10, 2012

Fuck you heart, I hate you.

It feels like I'm about to break. Shatter into a million pieces. I just want to disappear and never come back. I'm done with life. I don't want to live it anymore.

I thought we where good. I thought we where ment to be. I didn't think that we'd break up. Not like this. Not on the other side of the atlantic ocean. I thought we would last longer. I thought we complimented each other. But I guess I was wrong.

I love you though, with all of my heart. With all the cells in my body. With my whole life. And right now I can't see a life without you. But I know I will be fine. I know I will heal. Someday. Somehow. But I LOVE YOU! I want to be with you. I don't want us to have separated life's. I wanted us to have one. Together. Just you and me. But I guess you have other plans. Without me.

What about all the things we planned to do? All the parts of the world we'd see together? WE JUST MOVED IN TOGETHER FOR GOD'S SAKE. Please, just kill me. Put a bullet in my heart and end it. Here and now.

Life sucks right now and I want to go home. I want to go home to my mother. And father. And my whole family. I don't want to be in this city. In this country. In this life. I want to die. How the fuck am I suppose to survive another week with you, stuck in this city? How the hell am I supposte to survive a long flight back to Sweden with you by my side? How the hell am I supposte to survive this?

Please, let this be a nightmare. Please let this go away. Please, let it be okay again. I don't want to end this. Not yet. I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. I love you. Too much for my own good. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. It hurts so fucking bad....

Even though we've broken up, or what the hell we now have done, I still want you to come to the bed and hold me and whisper in my ear that everything's going to be fine. That everything's going to be okay. That we'll solve this and make it good again. Please, I beg you. Make it happen.

No comments: